They say it takes a village to raise a child, and our family is no exception. My grandmother played a big role in my upbringing, and now my mother is doing the same in my kids’ lives. Like many other millennials, I was raised with the mindset that I could do anything. I was also raised to be fiercely independent as I had to navigate a lot of things on my own, as many children of immigrants do. My parents immigrated here from South Korea knowing little English. They were busy night and day working at their small business to provide a better life for my brother and I. They weren’t sitting on any PTA’s and having mom dates with my friends’ parents. With that said, my mom was always around to make us our meals and tucked us in every night before going back to her office to do the bookkeeping for the family business. I have fond memories of my grandmother being around to help with us kids when we were young. Now that I am a mother, I appreciate how involved my mother is in my kids’ lives.

My mom and I on my first birthday (look at all that hair!)

My husband travels on average two weeks out of every month. Some months, he is only gone for 2-3 days out of the whole month. Other months, it’s a full three weeks. I really can’t complain because when he’s not traveling, he works from home and I get to see him throughout the day. But the weeks when he’s traveling are an adjustment since he’s such a hands on dad when he’s around. When he’s home, he gets up with the kids and cooks breakfast for them before I take my oldest to school. He is also in charge of bath time and the bedtime routine. I take care of nighttime feedings (because I’m the one with boobs) and I cook dinner for the family. When he initially started traveling, I was basically in survival mode. Taking on my husbands role in addition to mine meant I had little time and energy for anything else, thus I was in bed by 8pm. But the thing is, I was in such desperate need of my “me time” so I started going to bed later and later to read/bake/binge watch Gilmore Girls and could barely adult, let alone parent the following morning. This is where my mom stepped in. My mother’s love language is service, which translates into cooking. She started to bring over home cooked meals for the kids and I on each day my husband was gone, so I would have one less thing to worry about. With that one thing cut out of my to do list, I became a more high functioning parent. It sounds small, but in actuality, it’s the best thing she could’ve done for me.

My mother can whip up a gourmet-level meal in the time it takes me to fry an omelet. And by taking one small (but major) thing out of the equation I was able to focus on the bathing and bedtime routine for my kids in a much more qualitative way. I began to have energy and patience left in those very last moments of my day with the kids. In fact, the one thing I used to dread when my husband went away has now become my favorite time of day with my kids. After cleaning and cooking all day, having to wrangle my kids into the bath and then bed was the last thing I wanted to do. I was running on fumes by then. But it’s now one of the most cherished moments of my day. I see our evening routine through a whole new set of eyes. Seeing my kids play in the bath together is not just allowing me to spend time with them, but it’s an opportunity for me to see my kids bond and enjoy each other’s company too. Then curling up together with a good book before bed brings me back to my childhood. And finally tucking them in, while sometimes lingering in bed with them for a few extra cuddles is absolutely priceless. It’s taught me to slow down and appreciate these moments when they are so little (and when they are so willing to give you those extra cuddles).

So even though it’s not easy when my husband goes away, I’ve begun to appreciate the extra bonding I get with my children when he is gone. I guess you could say it’s the silver lining. But most of all, I have learned to appreciate my mother on a deeper level. They say you learn to appreciate your parents so much more when you become a parent. I always appreciated my parents for their hard work ethic and the confidence they instilled in me while growing up, but now that I am a mom, I appreciate my mom for the subtle, perhaps understated things: the way she cared for me on my sick days even if she herself was sick, the fact that she drove me to school everyday and the way her heart hurt for mine whenever I was hurt. These are things I learned to appreciate only after experiencing them firsthand myself. So for these things and the endless list of things that go unnoticed, thank you umma (mom in Korean). And most of all, thank you for helping me to be a better mother.

Mom walking with Vincent and her fur baby “Nemo”